Friday, January 21

What You Always Wanted to Know About Marriage.... Wait, What?



We're coming up on our 6 month anniversary on the 24th! We're so excited about it! We had a super fun hippie wedding in the woods and a pot luck reception. We've grown closer together as husband and wife but also as best friends, but it hasn't been easy. It tickles me when friends of ours or even acquaintances remark on how "perfect", "meant to be", or "story book" our relationship is. I think it's the sweetest thing in the world, but it's not always like that! 


When we got married I was kind of snotty about how I thought it would go, you know, easy, like clockwork, maybe some hardship but nothing major... but I was naive. Marriage his hard, I'm not gonna lie to you. It's hard and it makes you die to yourself  and be vulnerable every day which is really scary sometimes. I wanted to write this to share a few things about marriage that I would have wanted to know (or at least would have appreciated knowing) before I took the plunge! From love to sex, here are a few key things we've learned together!


  • Get over yourself. Yeah, when you were single you did something this way or  that way well, your married now. Get over it.
  • He LIKES to romance you. Let him! Let him love you in that way, and love that he does it!
  • When he tells you that your gorgeous believe him. If only we could see ourselves the way they do...
  •  Being naked is great. Forget about your insecurities (hard, yes...but SO worth it) and enjoy that he enjoys it, pretty soon you'll be enjoying it with him.
  • Bear all. It's okay. You need to be there for each other in joys and sorrows. Celebrate together, cry together, morn together.
  • Give high fives and fist pounds.
  • When you have sex, if you're on bottom, put a towel down. Don't blush, it's great advice.
  • Do housework together. It's great to wash while he dries or vice versa and talk about your day, your dreams, or how much you love each other.
  • Kiss. A LOT. (We love to make out in public until everything else is gone and it's just the two of us, it's like, one of our things)
  • Write letters to each other. Use a journal, chalkboard, post it notes, or all of the above.
  • Always pee after you make love. Pee and wash up with a warm wash cloth. Otherwise make cranberry juice your best friend.
  • Have date night! So you're married not "dating", right? Wrong. Have special nights or times set aside for some amazing couple time!
  • Look for your faults too, not just his. Listen to your partner when you are having a disagreement, you'll learn something. Promise.
  • Do things for each other. Be selfless, you'll love it. I know it sounds weird but, I love to make him coffee. It gives me joy to do something for him with no expectation of anything in return. There is such a sweetness in it that gives us both happy hearts!
  • Read out loud to each other. It's a small romantic sacrifice.
  • Be silly with each other! We talk in crazy voices, dance around like insane people and just laugh a lot. Don't sweat the small stuff.
  • Have a lot of sex. That was advice given to us by our friend's Nathan and Sarah. Nathan actually preformed our wedding ;-) Kinda awesome!


These are a few of the things we've learned in just 6 months! It's so crazy to us to think that we've been married... well actually, that we're even married! We love it and we love to marvel at it! Our year anniversary, just of being together is on February 12th. *Sigh* We love to look back over the span of time that has gone by and savor sweet memories. Add that one to the list, savor sweet memories ;-) 

Do you guys have any key revelations in marriage that you wanna share, cause I'd love to hear about them! 

Happy Weekend!
xo Shannon



10 comments:

Celeste said...

Okay, had to comment (yeah I've been creeping your blog)! Awesome advice. When Missy was getting married she asked me for advice and here's what I told her:

- Have one thing you do that's just time for yourself. We're happier, and more interesting if we don't do everything together.

- If you don't tell him, he won't know it. If something irritates you tell him. Don't wait until you blow up at him one day for never putting away his laundry.

- Thank each other often. For little everyday things like breakfast, or taking out trash. It's nice to be appreciated.

shannon*bear said...

Word up, Celeste! Those are excellent additions to the list! Thanks for reading! It's nice to know you're checking the blog out ;]

fowler said...

Ditto to Celeste on the 'telling him or he won't know' part. It took me a few years to get that one down. Dropping hints is a terrible thing to do in those situations.

And yes to the cranberry juice. :(

As for adding things, it's really important to serve the other person. I try to think about what I can do to truly blow his socks off and make him happy. If it's a Starbucks date when we don't have it in the budget, that's okay- our marriage is more important than $8. And he knows it will totally make my day if I get to squeal at cute baby things at the store. There's no way he enjoys that when we're not even pregnant, but he lets me do it anyway!

Have goals together. For a long time, our main ones were financial. Now, we're losing weight together.

Most of all, be on the same page. Religious beliefs, how to spend & save money, standard of living, expectations, etc... if you're not understanding where the other person is (and most of the time, agree with it), then it will creep into arguments more and more over the years.

But hey-- marriage is so much fun!!

Carrie Hall said...

Shannon,

I love your list! Forrest and I just past our year and a half marker (PS: I think it's totally cool that the people commenting are at different marital stages)

-Always remember it's the little things

-TALK. It doesn't matter if it's talking through a problem, discussing a current event, etc. TALK it's the most important thing you can do for your marriage

-Remember to be your own person--when we first got married I took the "two become one" scenario a little far and forgot myself a little--but it's better now. :)

-I love cooking for him too, but the rule is whoever cooks the other one cleans...so he hates it when I cook LOL :)

heatherlandt said...

I love love love this post! Its amazing how much you learn, change, and grow when you marry someone. My one small addition to the list would be pillow talk. No matter what kind of day I have, pillow talk is the most relaxing and sweet part of my day.

jamie said...

Shannon,

i'm a newcomer to your blog (My Owl Barn led me here!) & i'd just like to let you know how happy your posts have made me since i've been reading in the past week or two! your optimism & sweet, charming spirit shine through your writing :]

this post along with the ones you linked to were particularly encouraging to me. my lovely boy & i are 'secretly' engaged (with a Ring Pop!) & plan to make it official in the next year or so, with a wedding in the woods hopefully in the summer of 2012. to read about a couple so similar to us was such a relief! i think we definitely tend to 'put the cart before the horse' a lot (which we are currently working on together), but it is good to hear about young lovers who are just as hopelessly romantic and dreamy as us. all the couples we're friends with are not as openly affectionate or disgustingly cute as we are, so it can make us feel like the odd ones out.

i'd also like to let you know that a good portion of our relationship was begun on Skype, too. a month after Matthew asked me out, i studied abroad in England for five months! when i got back, we spent practically the entire summer by each others' side. oh, & his welcome-home gift to me was a stuffed fox!

AND we live in North Carolina, as well!!! so weird! but we're across the state, at the beach :] does the artisan who made your ring have a website? it is absolutely gorgeous.

i'm sure i'll talk to you soon! thanks so much for sharing with all of us.
xoxoxo jamie

Julia said...

Try throwing a 10yr old step-kid in the mix...

Carrie Hall said...

Shannon,

I love your list! Forrest and I just past our year and a half marker (PS: I think it's totally cool that the people commenting are at different marital stages)

-Always remember it's the little things

-TALK. It doesn't matter if it's talking through a problem, discussing a current event, etc. TALK it's the most important thing you can do for your marriage

-Remember to be your own person--when we first got married I took the "two become one" scenario a little far and forgot myself a little--but it's better now. :)

-I love cooking for him too, but the rule is whoever cooks the other one cleans...so he hates it when I cook LOL :)

Janelle D said...

Visiting your blog from your comment on mine. Creeping....
Great advice. It's the simple things that we often forget. <3

Shannon said...

Ha! Keep up the creeping :] It's true, so so simple but so important!

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How lovely! I love to read your comments and I'll be sure to return the favor! I'm glad you're here! xo, S